I have a friend who has taught creative writing, in one form or another, for over 50 years and she has read a couple of my stories and has given me a ton of books about how to write fiction and develop plots and characters. I thought I did a pretty nice job myself but she wasn’t very impressed and I have started to glance through the books and can see why because they sure have lots of techniques in making characters and stories come to life. My first response was that I don’t want to learn to write like other people I want to learn to write like myself and then it dawned on me that I don’t have any choice about that no matter what style I use so I’m going to read her books and maybe I’ll write my first novel. My first fictional character might even be a free-spirited, dynamic, beautiful, mischievous, talented, beautiful inside and out MCal girl hehe.

Keep the faith

David

I wonder what it would be like to be a child of the world. How can I be a child of the world when I am a child of Pat and Mary Longley? Think about this for a minute, if you will. If I am a child of Pat and Mary Longley then I am their possession and the quality of my life is more or less their responsibility. If I am a child of the universe it is so much less limiting. What about you? Are you a child of your parents or child of the universe. The implications are vast. If you are a child of your parents then when you die they will put you in a little box and that will be the end of it. If you are a child of the universe the potential is  limitless. Free to create, free to use all the resources available to you, free to break the shackles of early religion, and the limiting messages of your family. It is not the purpose of this blog to develop ideas but to put them down on paper to see and read and look at or throw away. I took my mother’s place as the family critic and I did a wonderful job because I can see fault with everyone and everything around me. It makes no difference if that criticism is sought because it is there anyway. I watched a ballgame the other day and a couple of people stood beside me and started criticizing the players and I had the distinct feeling that neither of them had actually played much softball. People have an opinion on about everything. I certainly do and I would so much like to lose that tendency. Imagine the heaven you could live in if every negative trait did not jump up and hit you in the face. Limiting self beliefs, what a concept. It has been around for centuries and yet we still have a sense of limits for both the world and ourselves. Is this not the time to consider ways to expand those limits? Challenge that belief system and see what happens. Challenge, not criticism, is an interesting concept. Can you learn new things? Can a person my age learned to rollerblade? Can I learn a new language? Or more simply can I learn a new way of looking at the world and my role in it?

I decided to start a club called free spirits unite.  If you want to join let me know, I wont at the meetings though because free spirits don’t join groups.

Keep the Faith

david

Today I like the word frothy. It just has kind of a special ring to me today and I really don’t know why, heck, I’m not even sure I know what frothy is but I think it’s that stuff that comes out of the top of the cooking pot when you’re boiling something faster than it needs to be boiled. I don’t do whipped cream because I don’t do dairy but I wonder if whipped cream can be described as frothy and I could look up frothy in a dictionary and that might shed some light on the word frothy but then I’m not the type of person who needs to know what he’s talking about because if I know what I’m talking about that should seem sufficient because if I looked up frothy in the dictionary it might mean foam, foaming saliva caused by disease or great excitement or my favorite definition which is  light, trifling, or worthless talk, ideas, etc. so given this last definition, how many people do you know that engage in frothy conversation? Now I don’t know about you but I could make categorical lists of people that make frothy conversation and I would generalize that people who talk about politics, religion, the economy, and similar stuff can be categorized as frothy talkers because I don’t remember anyone who has ever said anything about these topics that has ever made sense to me therefore they are engaging in frothy conversation according to the gospel of David.

Peace brothers and sisters,

David

Wow, it has been one month to the day since I wrote on Xanga and I’ve realized that all my Xanga friends but Queenie and Orlando have faded away. I guess that means that if I want people to read what I write that I need to write steadily and create new subscriptions. I can do that. I don’t know that I will but I certainly can perform that function.

My saga with trigeminal neuralgia continues and I am in a holding pattern. The drugs are being 80% effective so my pain is in the lower quadrant on the pain scale and it is about three weeks until I go back to the neurologist in St. Louis for a referral for cyber knife surgery. I am looking forward to that with great anticipation and also the opportunity to once more have a leisurely supper at the drunken noodle in the Westport area of St. Louis. Lover and I ate there on our last trip and thought it was fantastic. I can and will maintain for three more weeks and can let you know what the results were.

I can remember a workshop many years ago where the facilitator gave us a numerology reading based upon our names. My number was seven which is a walker between worlds and I don’t know why but that has always made sense to me because I certainly don’t care for the aggressive competitiveness and lust for riches of this world and I certainly cannot remember my last reincarnation which I assume was in another world. Why someone would choose to be incarnated as a walker between worlds is beyond my comprehension because a reincarnation involves re-carnate amnesia which simply means I don’t remember why I’m here and assume my journey is to find out, which I’m not having a lot of luck with and it will probably become crystal clear when I make my transition but for now it is a puzzle.

I have an appointment in 15 min. so I best be on my way.

Keep the faith

David

The journey continues and once again I find that I have little control when the universe decides I will go a direction that I don’t particularly want to travel. So I smile (kinda sorta) and go bobbing along the path that I would probably enjoy it more if I were a red Robin. My series of acupuncture sessions is over and it helped initially but the good results were short-lived and I am once again blessed with taking an anti-seizure drug that doesn’t particularly care whether my head is clear or not because its purpose is to cover the pain where I don’t feel it and it serves its purpose even though I feel other things that are not particularly delightful to feel. Tomorrow I’m going to call my family doc and ask him for referral to a cyber knife center in St. Louis. Meet me in St. Louie Louie, meet me at the fair.  I am hoping that I will be able to get an appointment in the very near future as I would like to get this thing done as soon as possible.

Other than that, things are moving along at their own pace and I have lots of free time. My client load is quite low because I haven’t been to work very much but that is to be expected. I dearly love movies and have access to hundreds of them, actually, thousands of them if you include Netflix. Lover and I watched the best movie we had seen in a very long time. It was titled “A walk to remember” and was superior.

After all these years I still don’t know how much wood a wood chuck would chuck if that rascal could chuck wood. To really figure that one out, one would have to be blessed with more protoplasmic qualities than I.

Keep the faith

David

I feel very good today. I had an acupuncture session which took away the pain of my trigeminal neuralgia, at least for now, and I am able to look at what has happened since March 10 in a new and non drug-filled way. I have many interesting thoughts running through my head as my mind begins to sharpen itself from a period of lethargy. One of my formost observations is that I don’t like drugs, particularly those drugs that change the way you think and feel. I was told that I had taken acid a couple times when I was drunk, but I don’t have a recollection of any strange experiences. Through the years of having random periods of severe pain I have learned; 1. That pain killers don’t seem to help very much and  2. I completely miss the euphoric situation that my friends tell me happens when you take the drugs. The Tegretol that I was taking to mask the pain from trigeminal neuralgia was my first experience in living in an altered state of consciousness. I experienced dizziness, occasional nausea, lethargy, and slowed mental function in exchange for an absence of pain. Over the short term that made sense to me and now I don’t have to wonder how much sense it will make over the long term unless my acupuncture series turns out to be short-lived. I have many friends in and out of AA and NA who cherish an altered state of consciousness even though that doesn’t happen much in recovery. A great sense of angst hovers around many people in early recovery and they feel a deep loss. That did not happen to me I felt a sense of relief of not having to drink whether I wanted to or not and I felt an extreme sense of joy that day I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. That joy has stayed with me for over 32 years and I have a deep appreciation for living sober. After my recent experience of feeling like I had to take drugs to be free of pain I have grown to appreciate the wonderful gift of having a clear mind. I really appreciate being able to start living when I get up in the morning instead of when my foggy head cleared around noon. Today it is a joy once more to live on this planet and I am infinitely wiser and appreciative because of my recent experience.

Keep the faith

david

March 10, 2011 was the first day of the longest six weeks in my life. It started with pure joy as I decided to drive to St. Louis and watch the Missouri state Lady Bears basketball team participate in the Missouri Valley tournament. I arrived 30 min. before the game, bought a cup  of my favorite brewed hot beverage and a large tub of popcorn which is a heavenly experience for me. The ballgame progressed nicely with the Lady Bears having  little trouble with their opponent and it was pleasant and fun to watch the victory. At halftime, I was sitting in my comfortable seat surrounded by 200 or so fans dressed in maroon sweatshirts with MSU emblazoned on the chest of those shirts. I did not own a maroon MSU sweatshirt and made a mental note to buy one on the way out of the arena. I am not usually in the mood to identify with a crowd of any type but this seemed a valid exception. Also during halftime I experienced an incredible pain shooting through the left side of my head above my eye. The duration of the pain, in my estimation, lasted approximately a fourth of a second. This is a very short period of time but was long enough to bring tears to my eyes and make me wonder what in the hell had happened. I remembered having the same pain about a year ago that my doctor said was probably trigeminal neuralgia and probably nothing to worry about if it did not continue. I was feeling exceedingly pumped and happy to be watching my favorite basketball team in person and had the good fortune to sit by one of the players family and to get invited to the festivities that included supper for the team surrounded by their most avid fans. Being tired and a wee bit concerned about the pain I went to the motel, played a game of Internet poker, won $.57 and went to bed with a big smile on my face. I slept late and enjoyed a huge breakfast consisting of a sausage skillet heaped with vegetables and potatoes, sausage and two delightful eggs cooked over easy. I arrived at the arena in my brand-new maroon Missouri state Lady Bears sweatshirt and felt part of a special crowd of people, which is not an experience I have often. The basketball game was as exciting and entertaining as its predecessor and the Lady Bears played their way into the conference finals. I am basically a white meat only guy but I accompanied my coffee and tub of popcorn with a foot-long hot dog with chili cheese and onions which was quite a treat since I had consumed one hot dog in the last seven years. I was a bit comprehensive about having another nasty pain in the head but I enjoyed the game my funky meal and had a delightful time with no mystery pains and was quite happy as I drove back to the motel and I was getting very close to the motel when another searing, hot, diabolical, insidious and quite nasty pain shot through the left side of my head above the eye. I swerved a bit but got my car back under control with only one digital signal from a motorist on the side of me. I was getting a bit concerned about the repetitive nature of the pain but decided to not let it ruinanotherwise perfect outing. I ate at a seafood restaurant in the Westport area of St. Louis and had a most delicious meal of steamed salmon with a honey glaze, steamed broccoli and steamed asparagus. I mused to myself on the way back to the motel that the day could not have gone any better with the one fourth of a second unexpected, unwelcome and insidious flash of pain. I played another game of Internet poker, won 11 and went to bed quite content. Awakening was a most pleasant experience on Sunday and the clerk at the motel agreed to give the Lady Bears a lot of love for the finals of the tournament. I had barbecued turkey and fried okra for lunch and took my seat a half hour before game time clutching my cup of coffee and tub of popcorn. It was obvious during the first 15 min. of the game that this would not be the year that the Lady Bears went to the NCAA tournament. It was disappointing to see them lose but they actually lost to a better team and I was not unhappy. The ride home to Springfield from St. Louis was uneventful until I pass through the town of Marshfield and had another incident of my now, very irritating, repetitive pain. Loverwas away visiting our kids and grandkids in Tacoma Washington and not due back until Tuesday. I decided to take it easy as Monday is one of my lighter work days and just chill. The day went well until about 2:30 when I sneeze and thought my life was going to end because nobody could endure that kind of pain without dying. This was not a quarter of a second flash of pain that I had experienced previously lasted at least 5 to 6 seconds which seemed like an eternity and the pain was to the extent that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I had several more flashes on Monday but they were back to a much shorter duration. I decided on Tuesday to go see my favorite Chinese herbalistic acupuncturist. He put me in a little room, needled me up and put Angel music on the boombox and I had a most pleasant 45 min.  I felt wonderful as I got off the table, put my shoes on and started to leave. When I reached the door the pain was so intense that I collapsed on the floor and this time it wouldn’t go away, open chest surgery was a walk in the park compared to this pain. I was convinced by this time that a trip to the emergency room (If you did not know it I am not a fan of Western Medicine, in general, and emergency rooms in particular) seemed inevitable, I could not drive the people due to health regulations could not transport me and none of my close friends was available so I took a quiet ambulance ride with incredible pain firing ever 2 to 3 min. The emergency room didn’t seem to know what to do with me so he filled me full of morphine which didn’t seem to help at all as my head kept firing on a regular basis. The doc called a bunch of people including my family doc and they concluded that I indeed had trigeminal neuralgia(which I found out later as one of the worst pains that a human can have) which the docs didn’t have an answer for. I spent five hours in the emergency room and my son-in-law came to take me home and helped me wobble to the couch hoping the pain didn’t continue but knowing it would. At 11:30 PM my Guardian Angel in  flesh housing of my wife arrived on the scene and I was never asglad to see anybody in my whole life she took incredibly good care of me doled out my OxyContin which I did not think was working at all until I decided to skip a dose and changed my mind in a hurry. The doc sent me home with a new brain drug called Lyrica which did not help at all. I somehow survived until Thursday morning when we saw the neurologist who(guess what) told me I had trigeminal neuralgia. He said it was like controllable by drugs and gave me a drug called Tegretol which took the pain away by the next day. We had to increase the doses of Tegretol for a week or so to keep the pain down. He seems quite satisfied with me staying on the drug but it has weird side effects and I don’t see it as an option over the long run. There is a noninvasive surgery that is supposed to cure the condition permanently but the reviews on it are mixed. Before I decide whether or not to have it I am going to a acupuncturist who says he has excellent results with what I have. If it works I will be a most happy camper and if it doesn’t work I will be finding a way to get the noninvasive surgery. I should know about the acupuncture in a week or two as my first treatment is Friday and I will let you know what happens.

Keep the faith

David

I am very tired and on the verge of being wiped out so I did not edit this entry. I hope it’s legible and I’ll clean it up later.

April 1st has come and gone and no April fools jokes either way. 

Little known facts about 1927.  National Geographic published the world’s first underwater color photographs.  The Roxy Theater holds gala opening in New York.  Mae West is found guilty of indecency in her Broadway production of “Sex”.

Keep the faith

David

I have decided that if you do not write on Xanga that people quit checking your site.  I used to have a lot to say and got to the point where I said it fairly well, and now I have little to say and seldom say it at all.  My writing has deteriorated and my mind doesn’t explore things it used to explore.  I would like to change that, I think.

It has been a brutal two weeks I have been dealing with an incredible amount of pain and the aftermath of that pain.  I developed a thing call Trigeminal Nueralgia which ranked very high on the list of pain I have experenced in my life time.  It is characterized by a searing pain that goes upward from the left eye.  Apparantly we have a Trigiminal Nerve that sometimes gets inflamed and causes pain every time you move your head.  It occurs mostly in old farts like me and is controlable once they get around to prescribing the right medication.  The first medication which was a fancy, new, high dollar one that did not work any better than the pain pills I was eating every four hours.  That lasted until my nuerologist appointment last week when he changed the meds and in two days I felt like I wanted to live again.  Now I am pain free and learning to live with being tired and a bit sleepy.

keep the faith

david