Did you know that there are still prisoners from Desert Storm alive in Iran.

The list of missing soldiers in Iran is growing.

I just watched a program on stars/encore called “Taking Chance. It is the story about a dead soldier escorted home from Iraq. It is incredibly well done and definitely worth watching but have plenty of Kleenex.  War sucks.

When the pain is more acute than you can bear

By James Kavanaugh

When the pain is more acute than you can bear,

And you are convinced that no one in the world suffers as much.

When the morning is as opaque as night, and the dawn but a discordant alarm, announcing yet another bitter struggle to survive.

When a bird’s song to the day or the serene murmuring of a dove

cannot draw your mind from feeding on itself,    

Clinging like some wretched scavenger to drain out joy and wonder,

When the soft light of daybreak cannot distract or the gentle shimmering of the locust leaves cannot inspire,

When even the shrill cries of summer children are but screams that echo in some mad corridor of consciousness,

Know that you are not dying, but preparing to enter another level of life,

A level beyond avarice and fleeting fame. Beyond servile dependence on opinions or words of praise,

Beyond power and mastery and control, beyond jealousy and competition,

Beyond lust and greed and insatiable ambition, a level where joy flows from simplicity and love,

From some rhythm shared with trees and flowers and circling planets.

Then all the pain is as nothing, rather a choice and heavenly messenger sent like some ancient angel of the East

To announce a more profound and solid way to self-esteem and serenity.

This pain is not the enemy, but a friend who promises to take you where peace abides,

Who leads you beyond bitterness to abandon specious and empty pursuits, hollow and ill-founded hopes, destructive and untimely dreams,

Until you walk in the world freer  and more joyful than ever before, less anxious and less frightened  of death, one with life,

In an harmonious accord, Bred of suffering, of annihilation, Bred of emptiness and frustration,

And leading directly and inexorably to a true and genuine,

An eternal and purified self.

 keep the faith

david

The concept of living on the edge has changed as I have grown older.  Initially, it was strictly a sensation rush which usually included the possibility of injury and in some cases death.   Now it is experiencing all that I experience fully.  I am and always have been an adrenalin junkie and I have discovered there are many ways to experience the chemical reaction from a stimulus.  They range from the precipice of danger to beauty so profound it takes your breath away. 

LIVING ON THE EDGE THEN

Wearing orange to the Irish pub on St. Patrick’s Day.

Blowing a kiss to Big Bubba at a biker bar.

Parachuting in high winds.

Dropping acid. (not legal anymore or worth it)

 Sky diving.

White water rafting.

Hang gliding from mountains known for down-drafts.

Walking down the street in East St. Louis.

Betting your whole stack on one hand in a casino.

An hour and a half on the stair master at top resistance.

Running a triathlon.

Drinking Everclear from a beer bong. (Don’t do this it could easily kill you).

These are the ones that I could print there are many more that I chose not to print because of their suggestibility.  My personality used to be loud and boisterous and every event was an adventure with me.

LIVING ON THE EDGE NOW.

Experiencing things I used to blow off (like love)

blind folding yourself and experiencing a known environment.

Blindfolding yourself and experiencing an unknown environment.

Fire-walking in a supervised environment.

Swimming with Dolphins.

Skinny Dipping

Arranging music to take you on an emotional journey.

Delving into the unknown.

Walking barefoot in the snow.

Sharing who you are with a trusted person.

And many many more.

And for me! The secondcreated much more adrenaline than the first.

Next blog. What recruiters tell parents.

Keep the faith.

David

                                WHEN ALL YOU EVER WANTED IS NOT ENOUGH. 

                              AN INVITATION TO SEEK HIGHER CONSCIOUNESS

It has been estimated that less than 10% of all of the people in America have any interest, at all, in higher consciousness. Adult children of alcoholics often talk of the empty whole the soul. They spend much of their life searching for something outside themselves to fill this hole. Many of them are driven to function at very high levels, usually becoming professional people who are doing very well in the material world. Many discover that security, sensation and power does nothing for that feeling of emptiness and loneliness.  The three lower centers of conscienceness are security, sensation and power.  Security means being safe  physically, financially and emotionally. Sensation is about feeling pleasant and dynamic feeling, power means that you have created a strong position for yourself and have a high degree of control of your environment. If you asked 90% of the population if these three things would be enough, my guess is that they would say yes. That brings us to the other 10%.

Money, power, and security have never met very much to me, although I have always felt safe, had a nice house, and a somewhat prestigious way to earn a living. I spent the first third of my life trying to fit into society and needed 27 years of very heavy alcohol use to help me create the illusion of being normal. I have always felt different, like I did not fit in,and like I could not be happy without meeting some need that I did not understand.  Have you ever had anyone ask you what was your planet of origin.  I have heard that question many times and my answer was that I don’t know.  Modern Religion has no answers for me, although I tried the Christian thing for some years, it made no sense to me.  I got interested  in encounter groups, altered states of consciousness, and spirituality in the late sixties and the “Handbook to Higher Conscienceness” became my Bible.  I went to a growth center called Cornucopia in the late Seventies.  It was based on the Handbook and had lots of hippies and seekers.  I found a home and since that time I have always had a spiritual path that was fulfilling to me.  The nature of that path is not important because it is my path and I believe we are all responsible to awaken in this lifetime and how that happens can be different for those who seek it.  There are many who think such a concept is wierd because the journey is never finished. 

I discovered that when you seek a different path and are committed to that path, that it is difficult to share with others without being verbally battered, which is not always pleasant.  What makes seeking higher consciousness difficult is that we all have to discover the power within ourselves and no one can do that for us.  This can bring long periods of uncertainty which is not fun. Many people who seek higher consciousness have had disastrous childhoods and many have not, but the key ingredient is the most of the are seeking answers that are not available in the physical world. My journey has been filled with pain and joy, with the pain at times approaching desperation, and joy so intense at times that I was sure I would have a heart attack.

As I look back on my life, my experiences have been incredible, more painful than joyous at times. If I had my life to do over there would not make a single change. In my eyes I have gone from living with fear to living regardless of fear. I now feel fully alive and vibrant and am ready to live the rest of my life on the edge.

Which is my next blog topic.

keep the faith

david

This was my Philosophy before my health glitches and somehow I have been leery of living it after my health glitches.  I have never been one to live a cautious life and realized how silly it is to do that now.  I have always been a risk taker.  Here is a Depiction of the Philosophy I am reaffirming.

                                                                        Life

is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, totally worn out and proclaiming,

            “Wow, What a Ride!”

                                                                       anonymous

I have so much I want to say that I might once more be prolific in sharing, my mental masterbations, philosophy of conscious, and redundancies from 8 years on Xanga.

Next topic.  It has been estimated that 90 percent of the people have no interest in higher consciouness, and I will look at the pitfalls of the other ten percent.

keep the faith

david

         Spiritual awakenings can kick your ass

I’ll keep you posted

keep the faith

david

They say that a near death experience can be the doorway to a full and exciting life. A couple weeks ago I was in the hospital on the chest pain observation unit. I definitely did not have a near-death experience because nothing major was wrong with my heart. Physically the rascal is in good condition. There are some pretty significant problems with the electrical system that sends messages to my heart about when to pump. I have a pacemaker that assures blood and oxygen flow. The hospital visit still had a major impact on me. I have a bumper sticker that says “I BELIEVE IN LIFE BEFORE DEATH”. I completed everything on my bucket list long before the words bucket list were popular. Sky diving was the last item on the list and I enjoyed every second of it. Since that point I feel that my lust for life has dwindled. I became a gym rat on January 3 and have missed only the hospital day since then. What I learned from starting to exercise again was that my body had deteriorated badly the past few years. In my efforts to correct this immediately I overworked my heart causing it to notify me with chest pain. I am learning to control the pain with the intensity of my exercise but that’s not what this blog is about. In the past few days I have had a spiritual awakening along the lines of Joseph Campbell’s, Heroes Journey. I believe very strongly that the energy I throw into the universe describes where I am at the time. If I throw love into the universe; I feel loving, if I throw anger into the universe I feel angry, if I throw in security and to the universe I feel insecure, if I throw hostility into the universe I feel hostile, which also fits in to James Allen’s book As a Man Thinkith.

For many years now, I follow the ritual of lighting a candle, every evening, to honor and send love to all of America’s soldiers who are MIA. I am convinced that there are probably still a few soldiers in Korea and believe we still have soldiers in North Vietnam. The only figure I could find about MIAs in Iraq and Afghanistan is 33. When I mentioned this to people nobody seems to care very much. I care a lot and would invite anybody out there to join the ritual of lighting a candle every evening out of respect for our missing soldiers.

Over 3,600 soldiers have died in Iraq or Afghanistan. This is not a topic of conversation   that seems very popular. I think it is very sad when we accept violent death as natural.

Before I continue I feel like I should let my newer subscribers know about feelings I have shared a few times. I was four years old when World War II started at my father was an Army officer. I remember many feelings during the years of the war. Our dinner prayer was “Paise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition”. As I grew older I became a radical conservative patriot. I believe that Barry Goldwater, campaign avidly for him and supported the John Birch Society. As I look back on what I was I think I was more than a little bit scary. I stumbled into a counseling program in graduate school and my attitudes began to change almost immediately. I remember my first group counseling class and the kindest thing anybody called me was a raging  asshole. I really took a hard look at myself and began to make many changes in my life. I rejected any spiritual program that required me to follow a certain doctrine. I change from being a puppet to a budding free spirit. Am I still a patriot? Yes I am. I still love and support my country. Am I blind to what is happening in the world? No I am not. Do I support our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan? Yes I do with all my heart and soul. Do I believe they should be there? No, I believe that their country should bring them home. I am not naive and I know that if we hadn’t won World War II, we would be under Japanese or German rule. I doubt if either of those countries would be as kind to us as we were to them. I believe we are there because of flawed reasoning and I find it very fascinating that we are in Iraq because of the threat of weapons of mass destruction. On the other hand North Korea just launched a satellite and said they would declare war if we shot it down. I have not heard a lot of concern about this but I don’t listen to the news a lot.

I try very hard not to rant and rave about injustice because ranting and raving throws negative energy in the universe and we all know there’s too much of that already.

Keep the faith

David

Did you know….. That Roux Toux is on his way. ETA is in late June. I was thinking that a granddaughter would not be a bad deal. However, the thought of another grandbaby thrills me to the morrow of my very bones. It will give me five grandsons and no granddaughters, one great grandson and one great granddaughter. The good news is that on April 24 I am going to have a granddaughter in law. She is a magnificent human being and an absolute treasure to be around. She is with my grandson in Germany and they will come home just before the wedding, which I get to perform. I am most excited about that. I was thinking tie-dyes and bare feet would be appropriate but she chose heels and a white dress which is okay also.

My self improvement campaign leaves quite a bit to be desired at times and at other times I think I’m on the right track. My long term goal is to no longer be a critical human being, but one that goes with the flow and lives in the present. I have said for many years that I did not want to be a bitter old man defined by his illnesses. I reread my last four blogs and went “whoops”, as my heart got lots of attention and probably exceeded its whine factor. My mother had a Phd in faultfinding and she taught me well. On some days I think I am doing very well and on other days it seems like I haven’t even started. Realistically, I’ve made some progress, ideally I have a ways to go.

Keep the faith

david

As you know I dearly love the Tao Te Ching.  It can be a solitary and lonely path, although other people are involved the journey to spiritual acceptance it is an individual journey.  One of my treasured possessions is the book 365 TAO by DENG MING-DAO.

#52  nonconformity

The world is dazzling,

I alone am dull.

Others strive for achievement,

I follow a lonely path.

Followers of Tao are nonconformists. The conventional label our behavior erratic, antisocial, irresponsible,  explicable, outrageous, and sometimes scandalous. We hear other voices, respond to enter urgings. We have no interest in the social norm; we only care about following Tao. It does not matter if no one can understand us, for we are nurtured by something most people do not sense. Awakening to this inner urge, and distinguishing spiritual impulses from the merely instinctual, is one of the crucial goals of self-cultivation.

We all have many voices, personalities, ambitions, and tendencies within ourselves. The ability to distinguish between them, and the ability to silence all the voices save for Tao’s, is imperative if one is to reach this state of being. Once one is in touch with the true Tao, there are no doubts, and the murmuring of others cannot have any effect. One is as comforted as a child at its mother’s breast.

The more one walks in Tao, the more one is interested in self perfection. All that matters is constant cultivation to be with Tao. This is a lonely path. There are others who follow Tao, but it is not always possible to meet them. That is why it takes someone both sensitive enough to hear the call and strong enough to walk the solitary path.

I am truly learning a lot about Atrial fibrilation and exercise.  I am having to forego all of my old ideas of exercise and make foreign behavior common.  I am succeeding though.

keep the faith

david

Does anyone know why merridan closed her site

Well I am home for my short stay in the Pital.  My heart is in good shape with no damage and the stress test show absolutely no blockages.  So it appears that the Atrial Fib. is still my main problem.  It was pretty much the opinion of a couple of knowledgable people that my pulse did not spike to 235 cause I would have definitely known it so it appears that the heart monitor picked up a signal from the pacemaker and shot a wrong signal.  So my wonderful heart is happy and so am I.  I celebrated by going back to the fellness center and working out today.

Another quote from 365 Tao Daily meditations by DENG MING-DAO.

Number 49                                   Death is the opposite of time

We give death metaphors. We cloak it in meaning and make up stories about what will happen to us, but we really don’t know. When a person dies, we cannot see beyond the corpse. We speculate on reincarnation or talk in terms of eternity. But death is opaque, a mystery. In its realm, time ceases to have meaning. All laws of physics become irrelevant. Death is the opposite of time.

What dies? Is anything actually destroyed? Certainly not the body, which falls into its constituent parts of water and chemicals. That is mere transformation, not destruction. What of the mind? Does it cease to function, or does it make a transition to another existence? We don’t know for sure, and few can come up with anything conclusive.

What dies? Nothing of the person dies in the sense that that the constituent parts are totally blasted from all existence. What dies is merely the identity, the identification of a collection of parts that we call the person. Each one of us is a role, like some shaman wearing layers of robes with innumerable fetishes of meaning. Only the clothes and decoration fall. What dies is only our human meeting. There is still someone naked underneath. Once we understand who that someone is, death no longer bothers us. Nor does time.

keep the faith

david