May 1, 2011
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I feel very good today. I had an acupuncture session which took away the pain of my trigeminal neuralgia, at least for now, and I am able to look at what has happened since March 10 in a new and non drug-filled way. I have many interesting thoughts running through my head as my mind begins to sharpen itself from a period of lethargy. One of my formost observations is that I don’t like drugs, particularly those drugs that change the way you think and feel. I was told that I had taken acid a couple times when I was drunk, but I don’t have a recollection of any strange experiences. Through the years of having random periods of severe pain I have learned; 1. That pain killers don’t seem to help very much and 2. I completely miss the euphoric situation that my friends tell me happens when you take the drugs. The Tegretol that I was taking to mask the pain from trigeminal neuralgia was my first experience in living in an altered state of consciousness. I experienced dizziness, occasional nausea, lethargy, and slowed mental function in exchange for an absence of pain. Over the short term that made sense to me and now I don’t have to wonder how much sense it will make over the long term unless my acupuncture series turns out to be short-lived. I have many friends in and out of AA and NA who cherish an altered state of consciousness even though that doesn’t happen much in recovery. A great sense of angst hovers around many people in early recovery and they feel a deep loss. That did not happen to me I felt a sense of relief of not having to drink whether I wanted to or not and I felt an extreme sense of joy that day I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. That joy has stayed with me for over 32 years and I have a deep appreciation for living sober. After my recent experience of feeling like I had to take drugs to be free of pain I have grown to appreciate the wonderful gift of having a clear mind. I really appreciate being able to start living when I get up in the morning instead of when my foggy head cleared around noon. Today it is a joy once more to live on this planet and I am infinitely wiser and appreciative because of my recent experience.
Keep the faith
david
Comments (2)
It was definitely hard to hear that you were feeling lethargic, as I’ve never known you to be that way. I’m really hopeful that the acupuncture will continue to alleviate and ward off any future pain. If that doesn’t turn out to be the cure all, I hope that you will elect to have the surgery as a permanent alternative to any other sort of pharmacology that will effect you in other nasty ways!
I love you and thank you for sharing these insightful entries about your most unpleasant experience. I’m always learning from you.
gson
I look forward to that appreciation. I am inching towards it. Slowly. Acupuncture is amazing. I hope it helps keep you pain free. I used it years ago for extreme shoulder pain and it helped quite a bit. I found, when I went to AA, that people kept talking about booze. I had given it up and was ready to talk about everything else. I tried several different meetings but it always ended up being a booze conversation. We will see how I deal with stopping the alcohol this time. It is coming due. Much love and spiritual support coming at you from California, David. Yer Pal, Cassi