The journey continues and once again I find that I have little control when the universe decides I will go a direction that I don’t particularly want to travel. So I smile (kinda sorta) and go bobbing along the path that I would probably enjoy it more if I were a red Robin. My series of acupuncture sessions is over and it helped initially but the good results were short-lived and I am once again blessed with taking an anti-seizure drug that doesn’t particularly care whether my head is clear or not because its purpose is to cover the pain where I don’t feel it and it serves its purpose even though I feel other things that are not particularly delightful to feel. Tomorrow I’m going to call my family doc and ask him for referral to a cyber knife center in St. Louis. Meet me in St. Louie Louie, meet me at the fair.  I am hoping that I will be able to get an appointment in the very near future as I would like to get this thing done as soon as possible.

Other than that, things are moving along at their own pace and I have lots of free time. My client load is quite low because I haven’t been to work very much but that is to be expected. I dearly love movies and have access to hundreds of them, actually, thousands of them if you include Netflix. Lover and I watched the best movie we had seen in a very long time. It was titled “A walk to remember” and was superior.

After all these years I still don’t know how much wood a wood chuck would chuck if that rascal could chuck wood. To really figure that one out, one would have to be blessed with more protoplasmic qualities than I.

Keep the faith

David

I feel very good today. I had an acupuncture session which took away the pain of my trigeminal neuralgia, at least for now, and I am able to look at what has happened since March 10 in a new and non drug-filled way. I have many interesting thoughts running through my head as my mind begins to sharpen itself from a period of lethargy. One of my formost observations is that I don’t like drugs, particularly those drugs that change the way you think and feel. I was told that I had taken acid a couple times when I was drunk, but I don’t have a recollection of any strange experiences. Through the years of having random periods of severe pain I have learned; 1. That pain killers don’t seem to help very much and  2. I completely miss the euphoric situation that my friends tell me happens when you take the drugs. The Tegretol that I was taking to mask the pain from trigeminal neuralgia was my first experience in living in an altered state of consciousness. I experienced dizziness, occasional nausea, lethargy, and slowed mental function in exchange for an absence of pain. Over the short term that made sense to me and now I don’t have to wonder how much sense it will make over the long term unless my acupuncture series turns out to be short-lived. I have many friends in and out of AA and NA who cherish an altered state of consciousness even though that doesn’t happen much in recovery. A great sense of angst hovers around many people in early recovery and they feel a deep loss. That did not happen to me I felt a sense of relief of not having to drink whether I wanted to or not and I felt an extreme sense of joy that day I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. That joy has stayed with me for over 32 years and I have a deep appreciation for living sober. After my recent experience of feeling like I had to take drugs to be free of pain I have grown to appreciate the wonderful gift of having a clear mind. I really appreciate being able to start living when I get up in the morning instead of when my foggy head cleared around noon. Today it is a joy once more to live on this planet and I am infinitely wiser and appreciative because of my recent experience.

Keep the faith

david